

150g self raising stewing mutton or chops
6 large eggs (cubed)
Garden rice
Not runny honey. That other honey. About a handful.
Chips, to taste
3000lbs courgettes (optional)
A squeeze of nutmeg
A pinch of cider vinegar
Three tablespoons of red
Mixed peel (mixed)
Squirty clams (4)
3lbs salt
Gravy blacking
Hopscotch

Take your live mice and chase them through a bed of celeriac. Upset the eggs. Run at the nutmeg with the mixed peel, but don't let it congeal. Baste the honey with the stewing mutton or chops, and leave over day over night over day. When happy, mix through with gravy blacking, hopscotch and red. Begin the rice. Approach the chips with caution. Apply the courgettes throughout with alacrity (optional). End the rice. Pierce film lid and microwave for three minutes. Peel back the film and stir, and leave to stand.
Present in a tower on upside-down measuring jugs. Ideal with orange squash and paper hats.
And there you have it. Eat slowly and savour those memories of the winter of discontent and the rise of the National Front.
